connotations

They used this word to discriminate us and deprive us from being human

They soon left it to the lower people of their class to use it as a sign of ignorance

They soon adopted the world to show unity

They made the world a better connotation for their people

They soon defined the world as one group of their own kind

They soon bought conflict between themselves by this word

It was them discriminating them anymore- it was them discriminating themselves

Why do niggas use the word nigga?

To bring their own kind down?

To talk about the past of the word?

To bring unity among themselves?

Why do they say it? does anybody know? . . .

This word has no true definition but can mean so much to a person.

ALPHEBETICAL POEM

Absent from my life,
Baby you hadn’t even formed a single bone.
Can’t believe I made the choice,
Defined as “you permanently being gone.”

Everyday mommy thinks about you,
Forgiving me is hard.
Given you the world if I could,
Healing your every scar.

I was young, and dumb,
Just fooling around like a kid.
Kind of wish now I had your face,
Lips on mine giving you a kiss.

Mommy is sorry,
Never wish I walked in that clinic.
Over the bed I laid,
Processing you being diminished

Quiet days and restless nights,
Reminiscing on you in my tummy.
So many negative feelings,
“To be or not to be” your mommy.

U would never believe,
Venting out my feelings to the air.
Wonder if you even hear me up there,
Xspecially not knowing if you even care.

Y did I do this to you?,
Zooming through your little mind.
Answer is regret is something,
Body doesn’t heal over time.

-Chanel

SMH

The detective saw his opportunity. He grabbed the waitress’s arm and said…

"I've always been attractive to women of your size and style. Your fluffy skin and numerous handles. Your connect-the-dot  freckles blended with hints of black heads. Your wild nappy orange hair. Your smell of pancake mix. I can tell you were in the back eating garlic by the sweet scent of your breath and stained yellow teeth. Yummm, I could place you on a table. . . well a very large table and devour you. literally."

He then growls at the waitress and she turns and walks away.

"I wish somebody tell that man that he was in a car accident 40 years ago and never was a detective or anything else he seems to be"

She looks back and now the dectective is at the table acting like a beautiful butterfly.

WTf??

He turned the key in the lock and opened the door. To his horror, he saw his mother sitting on the couch.

"Mom what are you doing here?" he said puzzled.

 "Well the lady at the nursing home said you didn't pay my bill to stay there anymore. Your sister said I couldn't stay with her so I am here with you." stated the little hounched over old lady.

"Son I knew you would be the one who take care of me when I'm old." She said with a warm smile.

"Wait."

"Who are you?"

"Oh my!!"

"A peeping Tom!!"

She hits her son with her pocketbook until he falls out.
She then realizes what she has done and dies of a broken heart.
His funeral and hers were held the same day.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

richmond slave trail

The Presence of my ancestors:

Walking the trail they once experienced

Africans World Wide have been stereotyped all though-out history. From not being considered human, to not being educated, to even being closer kin to apes, we have faced and overcame more than many people believe. In present day some of those stereotypes still apply, as we are labeled trifling and my personal favorite—ignorant. One thing people forget is that we are strong, and in history we overcame these stereotypes by being so. With strength, hope, and pride our ancestors paved the way to the life we have now. And although many complain that we are still not equal, we damn sure came a long way, and with strength, hope, and pride we can go a lot further. Slavery imbedded these traits into us. It runs in our blood and in our veins. Our ancestors did so much for us to be here today. Many may not recognize it nor appreciate it, but experiences such as walking the Richmond Slave Trail makes us relive it. I had mixed emotions about the experience. At one point I felt saddened but the sadness soon turned into anger. A long time ago, I came to peace with myself when I decided not to blame White people for the misfortunes of African Americans. I learned to be optimistic about the event by thinking about how we (Africans) sold ourselves (other Africans) to the Whites and that we played an equal role in the situation.  I learned to not forget, but to forgive the past and let the future speak for us. Walking the Slave Trail bought back all those emotions I learned to obstruct. I said to myself, “This is a nice contribute to blacks.” Once the trail came to a halt, my reaction changed, “That’s all?” It was a very short experience. I was honestly expecting to see more, and it disappointed me that one sign was literally in the middle of an old parking lot. On the contrary, what I did see was enough to paint a story. I saw the heavy chains, I saw the hunger, and I saw the pain in the African eyes as they walked to where they would be stationed at until sold. I couldn’t imagine being in that situation as I would feel sick mentally and physically. My will to live would have decreased and hope would have soon died along with my starving, abused body. The Canal Walk was so nicely exhibited.

As I walked, I wondered where the Slave Trail would start. I found a sign at the end of the Canal Walk that said the Slave Trail was across the street. Thinking to see similar monuments and pathways, I saw rocks and little old rusted signs. I shook my head and continued walking. The first thing I came across was the story about a slave escape. This story was interesting as Henry Brown hid inside of a tiny box (2 ft by 3 ft) in a successful attempt to freedom. In a sadder story, an enslaved blacksmith, Gabriel, called for hundreds and thousands of slaves to attack on Mayo’s Bridge. He was soon caught, arrested, and hung. He was influenced by powerful quotes said by Patrick Henry and the American Revolution. Continuing down 15^th Street I stumble across the rocky parking lot, with the sign “Slave Auction Site.” Although the sign and location wasn’t very appealing, I discovered how they had a fancy hotel for slave buyers right across from the muddy infested dumps they held the Africans in. I would have never imagined they were right across the street. I was standing where my people were essentially sold for way less than they were worth. My heart sunk in as I thought about how that must have felt—standing there, half naked, with white people yelling foreign words and looking at you intensely. Most of them probably didn’t even grasp what was going on. The Auction Site led into the Reconciliation Triangle. This was the nicest contribute on the trail, and my personal favorite. It was a sculpture of two people embracing each other which to me could represent many things. At this site was a brief description of the Triangle Trade which consisted of Virginia, England, and West Africa. The most popular being the Transatlantic Slave trade, was between The Americas, England, and Western Africa. Cash Crops would be shipped to England in exchange for their manufactured goods. Then the goods from England would be sent to Western regions in Africa in exchange for slaves. Slaves would then be on the Middle Passage which is the long journey slaves had to endow to get to the Americas. This depressing trip led them to the docks of Virginia in which they were “housed” and sold at auction sites. Later up the road, I come to a sign saying “Lumpkin’s Slave Jail.” This jail was for the slaves who misbehaved or tried to run free. I had come across the sign before and thought “Why do they still have this up?” I didn’t know it was part of the tribute. Also known as the “Devil’s Half Acre” The owner, Mr. Lumpkin died soon after the Civil War, and his African-American widow and his former slave, Mary Lumpkin received his estate and turned it into a school for African Americans. The name was soon changed into “God’s Half Acre.” Now, in the same spot is the Richmond Train Station. To the left of the sign was the Slave Burial Site. This whole experience was an eye opener for me. Where I live holds so much history on my ancestors. Seeing all of this does not make me sad, but brings faith in me. As I know we came up from nowhere, we have an opportunity to a good life now. Our ancestors set the stone for us and it’s up to us to use it. This was not only educational to me but these people were my family, and my backbone. They made me who I am today, and I am thankful for the sacrifices they made. As most of them do not know the good they have accomplished, I know that their work paid off for their future generations. The trail may not have looked the best, but it made me realize we as blacks have a lot more to accomplish in life. It appealed greatly to my emotions as I felt as if I was a slave actually walking on the trail hoping for better days.



Motivational Speaker Eric Thomas “Secrets To Success” Video Clip

Motivational Speaker Eric Thomas “Secrets To Success” Video Clip

ONE Fun Day With My Family!

 Me, My little brother, and 2 Nephews

left to right:  Tyson, Tiffany, Me, AJ and TT!

 AJ aka BOOMY lookin "Cool"

 Tyson TT and AJ

 My sister and Brother!

 Boomy and Nel-Nel

 I love You Boomy!

 They Love ME!!!!!

Maybe Im just a Groupie :)

QUESTION: Were you a VCU basketball fan before their recent accomplishments?

OK so honestly I haven't watched nor went to any of the VCU basketball games prior to their success 

BUT

I can honestly say ever since high school I have been in love with  

JOEY RODRIQUEZ.

  I hope he doesn't see this because this will ruin my one chance at ever making him mine. I had to do a project on the college I was going to and I had a big picture of him on my poster. 

I hope to one day walk campus, bump into him, drop my books, and start our love story there. OF course I cant let him know I was secretly in love with him. I have to play it off like he is "nothing special."

Priceless . .

As a child, this had to be one of my most favorite things to do. Picking them, right when ripe, and popping it into my mouth. People thought it was weird a boy of my age having this hobby. People assume they are bigger in the summer time due to the moisture in the heat, but in the winter time I enjoy walking outside, digging for it, and eating it raw. I find more joy in it when I am sick. I hope in the winter time I would grow sick just to get the thrill of these veggies. Now as an adult, I have the best job in the world. As a pediatrician working in the ER, I get a lot of snotty nose monsters. When I have a patient, I cringe of excitement. I sweat waiting for the moment I say “Sit back and let me suck the boogies out of your nose.” I put the little blue instrument down; prescribe some Children Motrin and then head back to my office. I sit back there and eat the delightful boogies the kid left behind. Being a doctor . . .lots of money. Eatting boogies . . . PRICELESS!

But Mom He is Human . . .



Okay so I thought this was the cutest picture of my little brother (Alan "BOOM BOOM" Carter Jr). Despite the fact he was crushed because he had to eat the man he onced called "friend." awkward :/

So I noticed . .

By looking at other classmates' blogs I noticed that I do not cuss enough. lol. Just some interesting and random.

A picture is worth a MILLION WORDS!

DECISIONS

UNFORGETTABLE

INNOCENCE

just don't do it

R.I.P Sammer Ballout and Eddie Elawar

Story at http://www.nbc12.com/Global/story.asp?S=14286761

****ALL PICTURES FOUND ON GOOGLE

GO RAMS!

OKAY IF YOU ARE NOT EXCITED SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!

GO RAMS!!!

VCU & UR earn Sweet 16, excitement builds. (WWBT) - It's a double dose of March Madness in Richmond, as both Virginia Commonwealth University and the University of Richmond make it to the Sweet 16 in the Men's NCAA basketball tournament in San Antonio.

Let the smack talk begin. It's only Monday, but still students at both UR and VCU are ready for their big Sweet 16 match-ups this week. One thing that's on everyone's mind -- if both teams win -- is an all-Richmond Elite Eight match up, that could mean big things for a city now sitting pretty on the map.

First it was the Spiders, punching their ticket for the Sweet 16 on Saturday.

"It's crazy. Everyone's been wild about it. It's been about 22 years since we've been there. It's such a great time to be here to be a Spider. Be proud," says UR Fan Jeremy Lampman.

"As a fellow athlete, I appreciate these guys. I know them. It's exciting and it's unbelievable," says fellow UR Fan Dylan Stoops.

Then, Richmond's cross town rival VCU, punching their first ever ticket to the Sweet 16 with an emphatic win over Purdue on Sunday.

"It's crazy here man. The streets are going crazy. Everyone is going crazy. I love it," says VCU Fan Jonathan Reed.

"Everyone in the dorms was screaming. Bunch of excitement," says VCU fan Justine Dutton.

Two schools, from two non-power conferences, in the same region, making some big time moves in the basketball world. Everyone here knows how big this really is.

"We are just having a good time celebrating the city and the basketball team," adds Jonathan.

"And it will bring a lot of people in," says Jeremy.

"Everyone is talking about it on Facebook, Twitter. Everything," says VCU Fan Marc Rosen.

All you need to do is search for either the Spiders or Rams and the posts are endless.

Oh, and you can't forget about the smack talk. It's on.

Derek Oberschain says, "All of my friends at VCU, I don't talk to them anymore. Had to ditch them!"

Gene asking, "For good, or just for this week?"

Derek answering, "Just this week. Well, maybe forever if we lose."

A lot of you are picking up some new gear to root on the Spiders and Rams. And just think-- both teams are just one win away from playing each other -- for a chance to go the Final Four!

"The city would be crazy! Completely divided by black and yellow versus red and blue," says Jeremy.

Copyright 2011 WWBT NBC12. All rights reserved.

Enjoying Everyday Life

Testimony  .  . . Is what makes a good speech.

To have Wisdom you need two things

*Knowledge and Experience*

My grandmother is the wisest woman I know. To give you background. She was teased in middle school. Popular in high school. Married at 18 and Pregnant by her 19 birthday. Widowed by 25 and alone the rest of her life. Sounds sad? I thought it was too. My grandad was shot by the husband of the women he cheated on my grandmother with. My grandmother has been through more than I can imagine within her first thirty years of life. I feel as if she died along with her husband.

I ask her why didn't she ever love again?

She told me that she was simply still in love.

At this point my mind was twisted up. I thought to myself, "Why would you love the person who left you and your family to be with another woman?" I did not understand.

"The man never stopped loving me." she said passionately.

My heart would have been in a dark place. I would have never trusted man again. People do not realize that the little bad things you do can have the worst consequences. Was that woman worth dying for Grandpa? Why didn't you be faithful to my grandmother? She is a good woman. I told my grandmother she was silly for still loving him.

she stared at me in disbelief and whispered "He watches over us from above. HE is our Angel."

"Ok grandma, if you think that cheating man went to heaven you are crazy." I said shaking my head. She chuckled to me. She told me I was delirious. "Whatever Grandma." I thought she was so crazy after that day. I did not understand at all. It wasn't until a couple days later when I was sleep on the couch that I realized something. Looking at her read her Joyce Meyers inspiration books, and looking at television following Joyce Myer words, I felt dumb. I said . .

"Grandma you wasn't talking about Granpa the other day was you?"

She replied "NO. I forgave your grandfather a long time ago, but soon after I gave myself to CHRIST! I found love in him, I found love within myself."



Karma is a _______! (you fill in the blank)

"Girl I tell ya, he is the finest boy who ever stepped foot at VCU."

"Look at the way he walk, and talk. It is like he was sent from a differnet planet. I mean I never saw anyone or anything like him."

"I got to have him."

"well go say something to him Katie."

"No. no. I will choke or get nervous."

"Come on Katie. You are pretty. Smart. and you are a charmer."

"Thanks Sydney. I think I will speak to him after biology class is over. Oh look! Here he comes now. SSSShhhhhh."

"Hey Josh"

"Hey Sydney. Did you do last night homework?"

"UMM yea. why?"

"Can I copy?"

"Hey-You can copy mines. I know everything is right."

"Thanks Katie. Hey Sydney,  I like your dress today."

"Thank You Josh! Katie and I just got it from the mall yesterday along with hers."

"Oh, oh. Thats cool I guess."

"Big test today class! I hope everybody studied. Photosyntheses. Goodluck."

"I know Katie will get an A."

"Sydney, come on. You know your just as smart as me."

"Thanks Katie, you really are my BFF."

"Alright. Quiet now ladies. The test are being passed out."

"Goodluck Josh."

"Oh. Thanks Katie."

"5 minutes left people. Start making your final decisions and finish up."

"Psssst. pssstttttttttt."

"What Josh? Your about to get us in trouble."

"What is the answer to number 36?"

"Ummm, I think C."

"Thanks Sydney. Your the best."

"Alright class. Turn in your papers and have a nice day."

"Katie, Katie. Girl did you see the way he was looking at you?"

"Looking at me or you Sydney?"

"Come on Katie. He is just trying to use me to get closer to you. Just watch."

"Sydney. Sydney wait up! Katie, Slow down. STOP!"

"Yes Josh."

"Hey, I just wanted to thank you again for helping me on that test. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

"Well yea. Katie and I was going to the movies tonight. You should come with some of your friends."

"OK cool. I'll be there! See you guys later."

"Bye Josh."

"Katie Katie, this is your chance. I'll see you at seven. Wear the pretty purple dress and I'll wear the pretty blue one. You know the matching ones we got last Thursday."

"Ok Sydney. Im so excited! See you later. oh and Thank You. "

"Girl it is 7:15. Where are they at?"

"Relax Katie, he will be here. Just watch."

"Oh I think I see him and Mike now. Girl he got Mike, Mike is perfect for you."

"Thanks Katie. Tonight should be  blast."

"Hey Sydney, Wassup? Sorry we are so late. Mike needed to pick up some gum"

"Hey Guys. Hey Mike. Haven't talked to you in years."

"Yea I know. Hey Katie. How have you been?'"

"I been good Mike. You ready for this movie? It should be scary hunh?"

"Yea I cannot wait to see you and Sydney scream like babies."

"Well lets go on in. Get some good seats."

"Katie are you sitting beside me?"

"Umm I really wanted to sit beside Sydney."

"Oh, well ok."

"Sydney, Do you want some popcorn? My treat."

"Yea Josh Thank you."

"Bye the way Sydney. I like the blue dress on you. It matches your eyes so perfectly."

"Sydney, can we go to the bathroom really quick."

"Sure Katie."

"Wassup girl?"

"Ok I think we are confused. I think Mike wants to be with me and Josh is trying to be with you."

"So what do we do? I know how much you like Josh"

"Well maybe we should just leave. or maybe we should sit seperate."

"How about this. How about I just ask Josh who does he want to sit with."

"Ok."

"Hey Josh. Can I talk to you alone for a minute."

"Yea sure Sydney. Wassup?"

"Well its katie. She likes you. I thought u liked her. I guess Im confused."

"Sydney. I came here tonight to be with you. I bought Mike for her. I didn't know you wanted me to be with her. I thought you liked me. I mean Katie is so quiet, and I feel more comfortable around you and I talk to you more."

"Well . . . "

"Well what Sydney? Do you want to be with me or not?"

"Katie is my bestfriend. I mean I do think your cute but she is my bestfriend."

"Awww she will get over it. Just come watch the movie with me and whatever happens happens."

"Umm I don't know."

"Come on Sydney. Stop being so scared."

"Ok."

"Ok let's go in guys."

"Hey Katie, do you want some candy or something?"

"No Mike I am fine."

"Well katie and I are sitting beside each other. Any rejections?"

"Me"

"Why Sydney?"

"Well I wanted to sit beside her."

"Well you can sit on one side and I can sit on the other."

"Well what about Josh?"

"Dont worry about me. I will sit on the other side of Sydney."

"Sounds like a plan."

"I'm sorry Syndey. I'm sorry Mike. I feel alittle sick. I think I am going to go home."

"Come on Katie. Don't be a party pooper because I like your friend and not you."

"JOSH!!!"

"What Sydney?"

"Why would you say something like that?"

"Because it's true Sydney. I like you. She needs to know that. Are you going to go in this movie with me or not?"

"Ummm. ughhh. Im sorry Katie. I already bought my tticket.Call me when you get home."

"Wow. Sydney how are you going to do that to your bestfriend?"

"Mike shut up. You always in somebody else business. That's why nobody likes you."

"Whatever. I'm out."

"Katie. Katie. Katie. WAIT UP! STOP WALKING SO FAST. Let me walk you home. It's getting dark out."

"What Mike? What?"

"Listen, I'm sorry for what happened back there. Josh told me that I was coming for you. I had no idea."

"It is not even about Josh anymore. My bestfriend left me for him. She knew how I felt about him and she still chose to be with him. That hurts you know."

"Come on katie. Your smart. Your beautiful. You deserve better than him. He is my friend but he is a jerk. He will not be for Sydney long. He has a girlfriend."

"Wow. Thank you Mike. Thank you for checking on me."

"Well Katie, if you ever need somebody to talk to or go out with just call me."

"Ok Mike. Thank you for making sure I got home safely."

"Sydney. I know we haven't talked for a couple days but I just wanted to let you know that Josh has a girlfiend."

"Oh whatever Katie. You get so jealous. You always been jealous of me. Stay out of our relationship."

"Ok."

"Sydney, SYDNEYYYYY! I have to tell you something."

"Josh do you know Katie just had the nerve to tell me you have a girlfriend? she get so jealous. She wants you for herself."

"Syndey just listen to me. My girlfriend is in town and she is looking for you. Just act like you don't know me and we never met."

"WHAT? Josh are you serious?"

"YEA and if she tell you I have a STD, she is lying."

"Josh I am going to KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Well Sydney. Karma is a Bitch. You should have been true to Katie."

"Shut up Mike. Your girlfriend is stupid little follower nerd. I didn't want to be her friend anymore anyways"

"Well atleast she doesn't have a STD."

Read Between the Lines

They say

"You Should Never Judge a Book by its Cover"

Well you shouldn't. You never know what people had been through. You never know what obstacles they have faced. All you know is what they tell you, and it's up to you to believe it or not. The books with the ugliest covers can have the most beautifully descriptive sentences and the most fluent diction. You wouldn't know unless you gave it a chance. Give some books a chance, and those books will be the ones who motivate you to living a better life.



TRUTH OR SCARE?

WARNING: This is my opinion. If I offend you I am very SORRY!


My friend and I stumbled into this conversation. We heard this weird quote . . .

IF YOU BELIEVE IN GOD, ANGELS, AND HEAVEN, YOU MUST BELIEVE IN THE DEVIL, DEMONS, AND HELL. 

My world history teacher who has some kind of degree in the study of world religions was fascninated with religion when he first started his study. He taught us the basics of each and asked us if we believed and which one did we believe. At the end of the year, we asked him the question. He put his head down and said "I do not know the truth, but once I learned it, it became more confusing. It wasn't about learning it anymore, it's about believing it. Some things people do not need to know. My facsination became a disappointment." This threw me way off! Never did I truely question my own religion until this day.

I am Christian, BUT have you ever questioned religion?

DID YOU KNOW thre are more than 40 organized forms of Religion.

NOT to mention, there are different branches of the same Religion.!!!

So how do we know what to believe?



Some theories include that the GOVERNMENT created religion to give people a form of SANITY, HOPE, FAITH, and MORALITY.

Although the assignment asks us to defend a side, this argument is something I question heavily but refuse to take a matter on.

It's amazing how ignorant people can be on Religion including myself. ONE thing I find people tripping over the most nowadays is this whole 2012 shindig. DID YOU KNOW that Christian Religion does not support that belief? Christians do mention the world coming to an end but "from what I know" you have to read between the lines and TRUELY anaylize the content of the Bible to form a theory of the date.

Matthew 25: 13, "Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man comes."

It is the distinct beliefs of the MAYANS. Now they were smart people. Up until this day they have not been WRONG about their solar calender including elipses and ecplipses. LETS remember when they were killed off so was much of there work. Their calender is one of the ONLY things we have left. THANK YOU, they might have had all the answers to life but  OF COURSE all the smart people died early.  I think of them more as SCIENTIST. I am not going to go in much depth because I do not want the "Well actually" some people will post as comments.

Which brings me to another agruement.

Religion vs. Evolution? Science vs. Religion?

Science has facts. true. But religion has foundation.

I am just confused as anybody else. Jsut because I do not know the answers do not mean I will give up on religion. Even if it was just made up, It gives people something worth living for and pride for the afterlife.

 SO my whole paper is full of random questions.

1)Do you believe in Angels or in Demons?

2)Do you sometimes question Religion and which one is the Truth?

3)Have yur been in a situation where you felt presence?

4)Science vs Religion?

5) What do you think will happen in 2012? and Do you think the world will end eventually?

6) Is casper really a friendly ghost?

I WANTS ANSWERS



REAL?

Not having I? No silly, Not having my iPad

MISERABLE MISERABLE MISERABLE!

NO acess to Netflix where ever whenever!
FACEBOOK = GONE :(
no quick google searches = THE END OF THE WORLD!
I am a very curious person. When I question myself I MUST figure out the answer. IT kills me not too.
Honestly, I am ove exaggerating. When it first started, it was, hard. But once after an hour or two I forgot it existed. In fact, since that day, it has been dead laying in my car. Now that I remember, I will grab it. Thanks BLog!

Can I Live?

What If? . . .

Going to school 14 credit hours. Freshman, constantly being targeted and labeled as the usual stereotype. Fingers pointing, gossip, and professors shaking their heads. Falling under a statistic of an African American female. Random trips to the ladies room for the *butterfly in my tummy.* Throwing up. .Scared to eat due to the terrible consequences. The non-stop worrying about what our future will hold. Tired, although I have been sleep all night and half the day. Working 40 hours a week knowing that my brain is not fully there. The constant battle between my clothes and I. Bra is too small and pants won't zip. Back pain, chest hurts, and feet are soar. 9 months of stress, discomforts, and regrets.

http://www.bananabellebows.com/store/WsDefault.asp?Cat=NewbornHeadbands

Life?

          WHO?                                    WHO?

                                 WHO?                                         WHO?

WHO HAS THE POWER TO SAY WHO DESERVES TO LIVE?

MY BABY. MY PRECIOUS LITTLE GIFT. DO MOMMY WANT TO GIVE YOU A NON-PROMISING GOOD LIFE? OR NOT RISK IT AT ALL? BABY JUST UNDERSTAND. I AM ONLY 18. I KNOW IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. I'M SORRY YOUR BEING PUNISHED FOR IT. TRUST ME, I CAN'T GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU WANT AND NEED. TRUE, ADOPTION IS AN ANSWER. WELFARE? WIC? THOSE ARE OPTIONS BUT MOMMY IS SCARED. I DON'T WANT TO RAISE YOU LIKE THIS. BABY YOUR DADDY ISN'T EVEN PROMISING. HE MIGHT GET SCARED AND RUN OFF. WHAT IF HE LEAVES US AFTER YOU ARE HERE? I DON'T WANT YOU TO SUFFER FROM A BROKEN FAMILY LIKE ME. WHAT IF I DON'T FIND A REPLACEMENT? IT WILL JUST BE YOU AND ME. ME AND YOU. 





PICTURE THIS BABY.

Mommy finishes school. Graduate on top. Successful. Making mucho money. hanging out with my friends. Partyinjg. No kids, no stress, no responsibilites. Living Free. Doing things the right way. Faliing in love. Then getting married. Then having you siblings. Baby, can mommy live?

Anything is possible baby but do you know how hard it will be for mommy? Going to school, trying to provide a good life for you. My life will be devoted to you. i might not have lived like I wanted to but baby your life . . . you can do anything. you can be anything. Mommy will give you whatever you need. How could someone be so selfish? I would miss your little face, You gripping my fingers for the first time. Your first step. Your first time saying "ma ma." You graduating from preschool, then elementary, then middle, highschool, then college.

The ? here is baby is "To be or not to be."

I wish Iwould have let you be . . . .